I woke up crying. Thank God, it was all a dream. It seemed so real. I’m on the verge of crying again just thinking about it. I had dreamt that my mother passed away. In it, I was saying over and over again that this can’t be it. I had so many things left to say to my mom and so many things left to do with her. My future twins still had to meet her and be spoiled rotten. Relieved, I knew what I needed to do, stop taking her for granted and start saying everything I should have said to her ages ago. I’m so grateful to God for this gift of time with my mom and for all these realizations.
This blog is dedicated to my mom, and to all the mothers who also made their children’s dreams, their dream.
I know you’ll be reading this because you read all of my posts. You’ll be clicking on the like/heart button on Facebook, and leaving a comment, like you usually do. I would never have a post left unliked because you would always be there to like them, no matter how uninteresting some may be; that’s how supportive you are. It reminds me of my childhood, when you would compliment every drawing I showed you even when I didn’t really have the knack for it. I never had an inkling that my drawings were awful. Fortunately, I didn’t pursue art.
I know we have had our differences and it feels like we kind of drifted apart through the years. We aren’t as close as we were when I was a kid. When I watch movies with estranged relationships between parents and their children, I would always question how that was ever possible but I started to see that it was. I used to blame you for it. I felt that my opinions weren’t always valued, so, I started putting up walls. Every idea that you gave me (personal or business), I met with nonchalance or disinterest, even negativity, because that’s what I felt you do to me. When I found this new relationship with the Lord, I felt more misunderstood and persecuted by you. Although you were unaware, you had hurt me countless of times.
But as for me, I was aware.
I was aware that I was hurting you back. I was aware that I wanted to make you feel unvalued, if only to make you feel how I felt. I hadn’t realized all of this, until I asked God to reveal these things to me. I’m so sorry, Mom, especially for all those times I made you question yourself if you were a good mother to me, please forgive me.
I own up to everything. All those misunderstandings stemmed from how much you love me and how you only want to protect me. It wasn’t because you thought I was incapable of anything, you were just incapable of letting me go. Now, I know why you cried the way you did when you walked me down the aisle, I honestly thought you were just out to steal my thunder. If I could only post the pictures here, I must say it wasn’t your finest moment. *Insert laughing with tears emoji followed by the kissing one.
Thank you for always having my best interests at heart. Thank you for always doing what you thought was right, by protecting me from myself and a series of bad decisions. Someday, you’ll need to loosen those reins and accept that I’m 37, married, and can afford to learn lessons on my own.
Thank you for everything that you do and everything that you are in my life. Thank you for all your sacrifices, for leaving modeling at the peak of your career, so you wouldn’t miss a single moment of me and my sisters growing up. That couldn’t have been easy. Thank you for not giving up, for working hard by yourself, as a single parent, to put us all to good schools and to give us a great life. I never felt that I lacked anything. Thank you that despite your sleepless nights and your body aches, you never missed a school event. You even managed to build yourself a reputation as a stage mother, much to our embarrassment.
Thank you for always putting yourself last. When your first love broke your heart, you managed to pull yourself together and come out of depression, no matter how hard it took, to continue being a mother to us. You never got to play your other roles well (ie. girlfriend, friend, etc.) because you were too busy being our mom and our sole provider.
Now that we all have our own lives, please start living yours. Please fall in love again and do what makes YOU happy. Retire from being our mother, it’s our turn to spoil you. God has blessed all of us a life of abundance through you, it’s time you experience that for yourself, too.
God is truly sovereign, I am the way I am because of you. He handpicked you to become my mother, to mold me into the person I am today. Thank you for introducing me to love Jesus when I was 9, when you brought me to my first bible study. It’s that seed that you planted in me that led me to have a relationship with God. And it’s this relationship that opened my eyes to recognize you, mom, for the kind of mother that you are.
I pray that you’ll build a stronger relationship with the Lord. I pray that you’ll find peace, love, joy, and finally, purpose; not one that entails taking care of us. God has so many plans for you, mom! Take them and immerse yourself in this life that has long been waiting for you. Let us go and let God guide you through the next chapter of your life. I’m so proud of you! Now, go on, turn that page, we’ll be right behind you.
“She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.”
Proverbs 31:15-22 NIV
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
Proverbs 31:25-31 NIV
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Exodus 20:12 NIV
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”
Isaiah 66:13 NIV
“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
Proverbs 23:22 NIV
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.””
Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV